Richard H. Kirk

i keep losing sleep on couches and floors
because I hate laying in this bed
wishing for so much more
than the growing pain that formed in my chest and my head
but expected nothing less
than a few reassuring words
and the sound of bitter resentment in your voice
knowing I couldn’t do anything more for us because it was always your choice.

It was always your choice
and this is the second time
you came into my life
wanting to build something from the ground up after knocking down my walls
and in an expected turn of events
you left me out in the open
as if i didn’t matter to you at all.
And now I just want to feel the air in my lungs again
and the heart beating in my chest

but that was taken the moment
you drove back down south
to your home near the beach with
a view almost as beautiful as you.

And in the 3 seconds between
you letting go of that last kiss
and us saying our goodbyes
I was ready to believe it would be the last time I’d ever held you.
And I was right.

And I heard you felt so sorry
but you never told me specifically
and all I could use now is an apology
but you’re too busy lost in his sheets

and what was so wrong with me that I couldn’t get you to stay
you filled me with joy
and I cherished that every day

at least I was able to tell you goodbye this time
remember when you promised me that there would never be a last time?
well where are you now cause I need you here by my side

I guess everything I wanted to believe so terribly bad was just a lie
and everything thing you said
that used to make me feel alive
just makes me feel dead

I just want to see one of us happy
I know you're happier than me

expect nothing / mix-up / oct.1979

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